Chapter 8: Pod without a pea; an empty sac at 7 weeks

I was always the kid that my teachers would mark “energetic” or “determined” when I received report cards growing up. Otherwise known as stubborn 😉. This is a trait that has helped me many times in my life, as well as gotten me into some trouble from time to time. From a very young age, if someone told me no; I thought it was only a suggestion. There was yes in there somewhere!

We had been dealing with the universe telling us “no” now for a couple years dealing with out fertility issues and we were tired, but that determination was winning the battle. After taking some time to let my body and our hearts heal, we decided we were ready to give this another shot. We met with the IVF Doc and started to gear up for another transfer. We were going to transfer one embryo. Daily shots, hormones, bloating, nausea here I come. The transfer went well, the waiting game started and sadly…the embryo did not implant. No pregnancy. I remember feeling much more anger and frustration than sadness at this point. We were doing all the things! I remember the exact moment that I got the call letting me know that the pregnancy test was negative. I literally fell to the ground, cried and screamed. LOUD. I was just so angry.

Again…needed to heal and find my inner determination. I was not going to fail. We met with the doctor, agreed to take a couple months off and then we would try again.

At the time, my insurance covered 3 IVF rounds. This was number 3. We knew that I could get pregnant, but it was keeping the pregnancy that was the problem. We were doing everything right and I had a really strong feeling about this time. It was almost like gearing up for a big game. This was our Superbowl and we were coming to win. The transfer went perfect and we transferred our last embryo. I was praying so hard and begging Jesus to let this embryo be the one. At this point, I knew the drill and the waiting was the hardest part. As much as I promised NOT to get any home pregnancy tests, I caved. I bought 2 and waited until the very first moment that I could take one. I thought I was going to throw-up waiting for the results and literally was nervous to look. It was 2 pink lines. We were pregnant! It worked! Happy tears streaming down my face, but also not 100% ready to celebrate. There was still a lot that could go wrong and we sadly knew this.

The Doctor’s office confirmed we were pregnant and it was still very early. Due to my past issues, we were half excited and half terrified. The next week we came into the office to do my follow-up blood draw and ultrasound to see how things were going. At this point, we knew that we wanted to see the HCG hormone levels at least doubling every 48-72 hours. Mine were about 75% there. The doctor decided to start me on progesterone to help this pregnancy grow and I was to come back in 3 days. We were not able to see a heartbeat, but they assured us that it could be too early. That was the first time that I had left a doctor’s appointment with a glimmer of hope. I knew there was nothing that I could do, but I left that appointment and stopped at a church on the way home. I was on my knees and praying to Jesus with everything I had in me to help this baby grow. Tears streaming down my cheeks and putting my faith in God’s hands.

3 days later, the ultrasound technician was doing the exam and asked to step out and get the doctor. We had no idea what could be wrong, but assumed this was not to tell us good news.

The doctor came in and did his exam, asked me to sit up and my husband to sit down. He told us that he was fairly certain we had a blighted ovum, based on his exam and my HCG levels. (This is when the embryo implants in the uterus and an embryonic sac forms, but the embryo does not develop). We had an empty sac at 7 weeks.

I was blinking and staring at him through tears of defeat.

We were back at square one.

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